Okay I can do it, I just really do NOT want to... Yep, I am talking about going back to work... I am sick to my stomach, teary eyed, sad, lethargic, etc... Yep, I think I am in total depressed mode... I don't think it all has to do with work but it does play a huge part in my current life...
I miss my mom so much... I know people understand but it just doesn't feel like it... I just want to sit in a corner and just cry... I want her to be here on Earth with us... I don't just want to "talk to her"... I want to hear her voice... I want her to tell me that everything will be okay... Not sure I would believe it, but she would help me through it...
I wish Terry had a job where he was guaranteed 40 hours of work on a continuous basis... I wouldn't HAVE to go back to work then... I hate that his jobs don't guarantee stability...
I hate being sad all the time... I hate that I always feel like I have to put on my big girl panties and live life... I am tired of pulling up/putting on big girl panties... I want to be able to have my own public pity party... I want people to call me and talk to me... I want people to come visit me and hold me... I just want to feel loved... I don't feel loved... Of course I have always heard that if you don't love yourself, how can you love others? I really don't believe that... I love my girls, my husband, and dad more than anybody knows... they definitely keep my heart beating daily...
I feel that I am just rambling now... Guess I will curl up under the covers and sleep... :(
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