Today I woke up to just pure anxiety.... I think it is just everything from the last 9 months that just hit me all at once... My mom passing away, Terry working away from home, some of his jobs being cut short and hours being short and scrambling for the next job, not wanting to go back to work for the upcoming school year and finally the girls having a horrible car wreck on Sunday... Plus of course, "Aunt Flo" came to visit me so I think that is what all brought it to a head today...
I have been a hot mess all day long... I want to just close off the world and relax but I can't... What if my dad needs me... what if the girls need me... what if someone else needs me... And of course, my dad did call me this morning because he hit the wrong button and couldn't get his tv to work... I am in Alton when he calls... However, I was able to talk him through it and it got his tv to work again...
Terry got a text that the job he is currently working at (started July 31st) will end August 16th, instead of November 3rd. The company went ahead and hired a full time permanent person instead of a contract person so back to recruiters we go... While I know he will get another job, it is just frustrating...
I go back to work on August 16th... today is August 6th... I have 10 days left... My plan was to look for a job this summer... I am no longer in love with my job... I always told myself that once I get to the point where I hate going to work, I would find another job... I broke that promise to myself... I will continue to look for a job while I go back to work...
Then Sunday night, my worst fear came true... Paige called me hysterical... All I could get out of her was Walmart, fire, wreck... I was about 10 miles away... Seemed like it took forever to get to her and Cassie... On the way there, a fireman and an EMT talked to me... they were going to transport the girls by ambulance from the scene... Luckily I got there before they left and tried to calm them (and me) at the same time... They were okay... Cass had a little scratch by her eye and Paige got a burn on her inner left wrist from the air bag... They were so lucky... I am sure my mom was in that car with them... We went to see the car yesterday and my heart just dropped to my toes... So thankful that the girls are still with us... Their injuries could have been severe to fatal... The guilt of not being there with the girls and even letting them make that drive with her only having her license for 4 days is just eating me up inside... Why in the world would I allow her to drive in that area... It is much busier than what she was used to... Ultimate parent failure!
Yesterday was filled with dealing with car/insurance things... Since we only had liability on the car, I had to get the car out of the tow yard quickly... I got a salvage yard to buy it and tow it after I went to pay the ridiculously, high bill... Luckily the bill was cut in half because of the check we got from the salvage yard... For that, I am thankful also...
As of now, Paige has no desire to drive at all... she is a little nervous to even ride in a vehicle... I know in time, that will pass... I just feel bad because she is out of a car and we do not have any money for another one... Another ultimate failure on my part...
I think that is all I will write for now... so much more to say...
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